The 10th guidepost for Wholehearted living (Brené Brown, Daring Greatly, 2012, p. 9) is Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance – Letting Go of Being Cool and “Always in Control”
Let’s start with exploring the second half of this guidepost – Letting Go of Being Cool and “Always in Control”.
Being Cool and “Always in Control”
What does “being cool” mean to you?
Is it wearing the latest fashion? Engaging in the current fad or craze? Knowing the popular jargon? Hanging with the “in” crowd? Knowing all the answers? Never letting anyone see you sweat under pressure? Being skilled or intensely good at something? Being unique in some way or embracing your individuality?
How about “always in control” – what meaning do you make of that?
Being always in control sounds like self-regulating your emotions all the time, maintaining your composure during every waking moment. It conjures up having the power to make decisions, call the shots, managing people and situations. It means never having an awkward moment, saying or doing the wrong thing or suffering embarrassment or shame as a result.
There’s a lot of pressure associated with being cool. And there’s not a lot of room for spontaneity and adventure when we’re always in control. Being cool and in control can be very energy-draining and not much fun! They feel constrained and constraining.
Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance
When laughter, song, and dance are mentioned, full self-expression and joy come to mind. They are energizing and liberating and life-giving. They move us, emotionally, physically, and mentally, and help us feel more. And, in laughing, singing, and dancing we allow ourselves to be seen and heard. We are exposed and vulnerable. And this is one of the marks of living wholeheartedly – being in the arena [of life] and not in the critics’ seats or on the sidelines.
Laughter
In times like these – anxiety around the election, protests, COVID-19, etc. – , a little tension release is especially good!! Research has shown that laughter is one of the best tools for combatting stress. Laughter fosters activates connections between different brain regions. Laughing with others releases endorphins (the feel-good chemicals in the brain). Laugher helps create social bonds via spreading endorphin release and promoting a sense of togetherness and safety. Watch his video of the contagious effects of laughter – Man Laughing on Train:
Laughter also activates the release of another feel-good brain chemical called serotonin, a neurotransmitter that has antidepressant effects. Laughter has an anti-inflammatory effect that protects your heart. And, a sense of humor is a valued relationship trait on which people rate potential partners (David DiSalvo, Six Science-Based Reasons Why Laughter Is the Best Medicine, Forbes. Jun 5, 2017: https://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2017/06/05/six-science-based-reasons-why-laughter-is-the-best-medicine/#167777ce7f04 ).
Who or what moves you to laughter? Saturday Night Live (SNL)? Whose Line is it Anyway? A favorite comedian or comedienne? Your pet? Your significant other or child?
Song
These songs always pick me up and makes me want to dance –
Pharrell Williams – Happy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbZSe6N_BXs (4:00).
Justin Timberlake – Can’t Stop the Feeling: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru0K8uYEZWw (4:45)
Which songs make you want to sing and/or dance? Which songs touch your heart? Which songs make you feel most alive?
Dance
What type of dance do you enjoy watching? What type of dancing do you like to do?
ballet, tap, jazz, modern dance, contemporary, interpretive dance, hip hop, folk dance, country western, line dance, swing, Irish dance, salsa, disco, ballroom dance (waltz, foxtrot, quick step, tango, Viennese waltz), Latin dance (rumba, samba, paso doble, cha-cha-cha, jive), others? So many options!
Maybe you enjoy the lightness and ease with which Fred Astaire and Ginger Roger partnered in their first true dance number in the movie Swing Time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxPgplMujzQ
See if this trio of iconic entertainers doesn’t make you smile with their incredibly fun song and dance routine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu6–WBPBHo (4:45, (Singing in the Rain – Good Morning 1952 featuring Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor, and Debbie Reynolds).
Or here’s a terrific compilation of movie dance scenes where Old Movie Stars Dance to Uptown Funk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1F0lBnsnkE (4:52).
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening, and live like it’s heaven on earth.” – Wlilliam W. Purkey, Author, Professor (Quoteswave)
Here’s one more video: Eastleighs Got Talent – The Dancing Queen of the Bus Stop – Dance like nobody’s watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOwShbIvtkM (3:10).
What would letting go of being cool and “always in control” look and feel like for you?
What would be possible then?
How might you incorporate a little more Laughter 
, Song 
, or Dance 
in your life, starting today?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, or your favorite song, dance, or laughter inspiration! Email me at tinageithner@me.com
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