LETTING GO OF an idea - Entertaining An Idea

Tina Geithner, Ph.D.

tina@entertaininganidea.com

Letting go is a way of celebrating this Fall season, when deciduous trees shed their leaves. It also symbolizes taking action towards a lighter and potentially more authentic way of being in and enjoying life. Buddhist psychology holds that pain – physical, biological, and social – is inevitable in life, while suffering is not. Suffering is our reaction to the pain, and the cause of our suffering is grasping. Suffering takes on many forms, including stress, conflict, confusion, anxiety, fear, depression, frustration, obsession, guilt, shame, envy, jealousy, hostility, anger, regret, and sorrow. Suffering is not only personal, there is collective suffering, such as the sorrow of warfare, racism and other forms of discrimination, and the mistreatment of others via abandonment, isolation, and physical abuse.

How does suffering show up (or how has this shown up) for you?

What’s the underlying belief that you are holding onto or grasping that may be at the root of the suffering?

There are times in each of our lives where we may be gripping or holding onto a belief or perception that may have been useful at one point or another, but they may no longer serve us or others. Here are a few examples of how grasping shows up with the underlying belief in italics:

Clutter – collections of things that I may not need or use, related to a belief that I might need it someday, or I should keep it just in case, or that more stuff means being prepared, having a sense of comfort being surrounded by things, or that it fills a hole inside from feeling not enough (not good enough, not attractive enough, not…well, you can fill in the blank if this fits for you). I am in the habit of collecting books, footwear and outerwear. Books have served as a personal library, offer information at my fingertips, and make me feel more educated and intelligent just by having them around. The titles and contents remind me of things important to me. And, in this digital age, much of the information contained in hard cover and paperback books is available online and is easily accessible in a format that doesn’t take up a lot of space or gather dust. I haven’t prioritized reading over or with some other things, so many of the books on my shelves haven’t been read yet. Hmmm…

Shoes and boots and jackets, oh my! Having these in abundance make me feel like I’m prepared for any event or activity or any kind of weather, and that I can fashionable. Truth be told, I have my go-to items that I wear over and over again because they are comfortable, practical, easy to pack, and go with lots of other things. I’ve noticed that I have more than I need and the things that are not being used or not likely to be used (i.e., read or worn) are slowly making their way off my shelves and out of my drawers and closets. When they go to some other place where they can be used and enjoyed, I feel lighter and better inside, and my environment is less cluttered.

Regret associated with the loss of someone dear – my parents, and feelings of regrets: I should have done more for them or I should have been with them in a different way (more present, more loving). I cannot change the past; however, I can change how I spend time with others who are dear to me and I can choose how I spend my time with them. I can also focus on the good memories of being with my parents and what I was able to do for them and the time I had with them.

When we become aware of holding onto an idea or something that no longer serves us, we can start by identifying the underlying belief or idea and naming it: not feeling enough, feeling unworthy, believing that everyone should think or behave a certain way. We can notice the physical sensations and emotions that accompany that belief or idea and be compassionate with ourselves. We can also be curious and ask ourselves –

What am I holding onto that no longer serves me?

What’s the underlying idea or belief? Is this really true?

What’s possible if I let it go?

What would life be like?

What do I need to or want to embrace instead?

You may even wish to use some ritual or ceremony to symbolize the letting go, like writing the idea, perception, or belief that you want to let go of on paper, and then burning it, or taking a hot bath, or throwing a stone into a lake or river. A friend just shared that she has a miniature trash can for limiting beliefs and that she writes them down when we recognizes them and puts them in the trash can as a symbol of letting them go – how fun!

All of this represents mindfulness in action. Letting go of what no longer serves us is a generative or creative act that allows us to live more authentically and in alignment with our values…away from suffering and towards our fullest expression as human beings. And that serves not only us, but others, (reducing collective suffering) as we bring our unique gifts to the world in our full and authentic self-expression.

Be patient and kind with yourself in this inquiry and practice. Here are some resources that might be of support as you let go of whatever no longer serves you.

Be well…

This is a really nice mediation on letting go:

Thorp, Tris. Letting Go: A Guided Meditation for Fall. The Chopra Center.

https://chopra.com/articles/letting-go-a-guided-meditation-for-fall

Brieske, Tim, M.D. Emotional Spring Cleaning. The Chopra Center. https://chopra.com/articles/emotional-spring-cleaning

Chopra, Deepak, M.D. Clear Clutter and Enhance Your Environment. The Chopra Center.

https://chopra.com/articles/clear-clutter-and-enhance-your-environment

Chopra, Deepak, M.D. How to Release the Past and Return to Love. The Chopra Center.

https://chopra.com/articles/how-to-release-the-past-and-return-to-love

Hobson, Andy. Accepting and Letting Go. Insight Timer. (requires Insight Timer App for iOS devices)

https://insighttimer.com/andyhobson/guided-meditations/accepting-and-letting-go

Hobson, Andy. Falling Leaf Meditation Music. Insight Timer. (requires Insight Timer App for iOS devices)