When the universe broadcasts a clear message not once, but three times, in a very condensed period of frame, that gets my attention! The message came from about choices in how we relate to a challenge came from three coaching colleagues and friends who are experienced, wise, talented, and very fun people. The message was about releasing or flowing with a challenge as compared to carrying/grasping or pushing against it. Its timing could not have been more perfect, arriving on the heels of the year that had just ended with losing Mom, just eight months after we lost Dad, and on the doorstep of a new year.

It was a privilege to be able to spend more time with my parents in the last few years of their lives, time I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. There has been some comfort in the common human experience as family members and friends have shared their stories of love and loss. Still, I have been carrying a heart heavy with regrets and guilt about what I didn’t do, didn’t say, and how I wasn’t more present, patient, curious, and loving when I was with them. And I’ve been wanting to lighten my load, so to speak, and move into a different relationship with all of that and my difficulty in forgiving myself because I know it has an impact on other relationships in my life. And, out of the blue, a way to help me do that presented itself through three people I respect and trust (Divine providence does exist!). Each shared their version of a somatic exercise – one that works with and through the body and utilizes the wisdom within.

One version of the exercise comes from Linda Ford, Ph.D., in Austin, TX, who is a coach for individuals, corporate teams, and non-profit organizations (http://www.lindafordphd.com , Transforming Leaders Into Change Makers). Her offering was inspired by Mark Nepo’s entry for January 2 his The Book of Awakening (2000, January 2 – All Fall Down), and by one of Rick Hanson’s recent posts in his blog, Just One Thing, titled Drop the Stone (https://www.rickhanson.net/needless-burdens/), which was followed by Let it Flow (https://www.rickhanson.net/let-it-flow/). Linda’s exercise is called Put Down Your Bag, and the steps are as follows:

Consider something you want to release (maybe something “sticky” from reflections on 2018).

1. Choose items that hold some connection to what you want to release, items that you are willing to give up. Maybe a photo or even just a note about the event or person involved.
2. Write something about the general nature of what you are putting down. Could be as general as “past pains in my relationship”.
3. Place the items and the note in a bag.
4. Hold the bag close to your heart. Say something about what you are releasing and why (e.g., make a new relationship possible, to walk through a different door, etc.).
5. Take the bag to the garbage can (preferably outside) or your fireplace. Prepare to set it down in a way that you can’t pick it back up again.
6. Acknowledge out loud what you are putting down (e.g., whatever you chose to write in #2). Stick with this step ‘til it feels real, until you can feel something different in your body. That might be a lighter feeling, a release, sadness, joy – just something that changes. This tells you that you have really put it down.

The two other versions of this exercise that include a form of releasing through working with a polarity, and an exploration of opposites. In this case, the opposites are different ways of being with a current challenge you are experiencing in your life. One way involves pushing against the challenge and the other way involves flowing with it or relaxing, softening, and opening in relationship to the challenge. Here are the descriptions so you can experience the power of the exercises for yourself.

Pushing against and flowing with: Rebecca Johns in Whitefish, MT, is a seasoned educator, and a master teacher, retreat leader, and Certified Professional CoActive Coach and Certified Transformational Presence Coach (https://www.rebeccajohnscoaching.com/upcoming-events ). She has an incredible presence borne of experience, practice, and a love for connecting people to themselves, to each other, and to the bigger “somethings” in our lives and in our world. Rebecca’s version of the exercise (from Alan Seale’s Transformational Presence, 2018) goes something like this: 

Consider a current challenge in your life, bring it to mind, and let whatever thoughts and emotions and sensations associated with it show up. Imagine yourself pushing against your challenge, literally – exerting tremendous effort to try to move it, change it, or make it go away. As you imagine yourself pushing against this challenge, notice your thoughts, feel the tension in your body, notice your breath, feel your heart rate, notice any emotions that arise. You may want to jot down a few notes about your experience – what you thought and/or felt, any physical sensations or awareness you had, or insights that reveal themselves.

Then shake off the pushing against – stand up, stretch, shake out your arms and legs (whatever you need to do to release that feeling and emotions), and then take a deep breath or two and bring your current challenge to mind again.

Now imagine yourself flowing with your challenge…not in a passive sense, like letting it carry you or run over you, but experiencing it in a non-adversarial and welcoming way. Imagine allowing it to be there, just as it is, without trying to make it be different or make it go away. Notice your thoughts, the sensations in your body, your breath, your heart rate, the emotions that arise. You might consider the following questions as you complete this exercise:

• What is different about this way of relating to your challenge?
• How do you want to be with your challenge moving forward?

What happens when we push against ‘what is’: Another version of this exercise comes from Annie Pringle, a Newfield Certified Coach, Certified Neuromuscular Therapist (CNMT), and workshop and retreat facilitator in Denver, CO, who offers messages called “Annie Bites” via email and YouTube videos.  You can meet Annie and view her latest video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=balrkuPiYq4&feature=youtu.be . Annie’s video is about 5 minutes long and is beautifully done. You can try the exercise while she describes it.

I am using the different versions of this exercise to shift…to transform the energy of sadness and guilt into the energy of appreciation, gratitude, and joy; and to try on a different way of being with and relating to my challenge. I don’t expect this to happen with one iteration. Rather, it will take repeated practice. And, I already feel a bit lighter and more at choice as I prepare to release, soften, open, and flow with. Thanks to Linda, Rebecca, and Annie for their support and guidance.

My hope is that this message will help you to shift your relationship with whatever challenge you are facing or load you are carrying. In every moment, we can choose to put the bag down, push against, or flow with.