“The real trick to producing great work isn’t to find ways to eliminate the edgy, nervous feeling that you might be swimming out of your depth. Instead, it’s to remember that everyone else is feeling it, too. We’re all in deep water. Which is fine: it’s by far the most exciting place to be.” – Oliver Burkeman

 Recently I was on Gonzaga University’s campus to teach a session in a graduate course, and two other women were walking from the parking garage on their way to the Hemmingson Center. They were participating in a panel presentation on refugees as part of the 5^th International Conference on Hate Studies. The theme of the conference was Building Peace through Dialogue, Kindness, and Forgiveness; and the conference was co-organized by the Gonzaga University Institute for Hate Studies (Kristine Hoover, Director), Kootenai County Task Force for Human Relations, Spokane County Human Rights Task Force, and the Gonzaga Student Chapter of the Southern Poverty Law Center (for more information, visit: https://www.gonzaga.edu/news-events/stories/2019/4/5/gonzagas-fifth-international-conference-on-hate-studies-concludes ).

When I learned more about the presentation topics and the presenters, I was struck by the deep and turbulent water that other people are treading, not just for a short period of time, but for much of their lives and much of it due to what we do to each other as human beings. It’s challenging for me to think about it. It brings up all kinds of questions about disparities related to race, ethnicity, religion, gender, income brackets, immigration status, etc. and it makes me uncomfortable for a number of reasons. I am privileged in many ways and sometimes I forget about the access to resources I’ve had regarding having basic needs met (food, shelter, clothing, and physical safety; love and belonging) and then some – a good education, the ability to travel, etc. I have not spent a lot of time face-to-face with others who have been fighting to stay afloat or resurface when they’ve been pushed down and held under. And, I can be curious, wake up and become more conscious so that I am not part of the groups or machinery that are helping to create or maintain the disparities, the inequalities. I’m not exactly sure where to start. And, I can start with sitting with the discomfort and noticing when I am seeing others as separate from me or vice versa, as “me” vs. “them” rather than “we” or “us”.

All of us want to be safe, we want to belong and be loved, we all would like to be respected and be able to be who we are and stand in our dignity. We can recognize our common humanity and help offer those things to each other. We can be present with each other. We can listen. We can reach out to each other when we sense or know there is a challenge, some sort of deep water. And when others don’t treat us in ways that make us feel safe, respected, and cared for, we can remember that experiencing stress in its various forms is part of our shared human experience. We are all works in progress, and we are all in deep water. Everyone is struggling with something. We are more alike than we realize, and we can see our common humanity as easily as we can see our differences. It just takes intention and practice.

A metta meditation is one type of mindfulness practice. It is a lovingkindness meditation offered to ourselves, those who are close to our hearts, and all beings – even those we may find difficult to be with or to like. It is especially useful in times like these when there is so much effort invested in highlighting the differences among us and in putting up walls that create as much or more suffering as they might be intended to reduce.

Here is a lovely version of a lovingkindness meditation from a retreat offered by Wendy Palmer (the words may not be exact). Practicing this can help “reset our baseline” (Wendy Palmer) in a good direction so that when we and others are in deep water, we can recognize the exciting opportunity we have to offer a buoy or lifeline to make the treading easier, or even pull them closer to shore.

May I be happy, so that I may spread happiness.

May I be peaceful, so that I may spread peace.

May I be filled with love, so that I may spread love.

 

May I see that faces of my loved ones and offer them this same wish –

May they be happy,

May they be peaceful,

May they be filled with love.

 

And bringing into mind and heart all beings on the planet –

May they be happy,

May they be peaceful,

May they be filled with love.